Weald Tables

Dishes table : 2 d20

First dice : attribute

Second dice : vegetale, meat or kind of dish

Roll	Description	Roll	Dish
1	Sour	1	Omelette
2	Muddy	2	Pizza
3	Acorn	3	Stew
4	Snails	4	Sautée
5	Mouldy	5	Pottage
6	Unidentifiable	6	Cake
7	Mashed	7	Hog's Nose
8	Jellied	8	Eels
9	Brined	9	Mollusc
10	Salted	10	Swampwallow
11	Sticky	11	Stroganoff
12	Burnt	12	Venison
13	Mushy	13	Liver
14	De-boned	14	Briar-shroom
15	Fried	15	Bog-lurker
16	Battered	16	Skunk
17	En Cassolette	17	Eyetadpole
18	Seared	18	Loaf
19	Braised	19	Cabbage
20	Émincé	20	Rot-gnaw
21	Pickled	21	Pickles

2d20 Weald Character names

Roll	Name	Roll	Alias
1	Darick	1	Grenabulous
2	Fritz	2	Woodham
3	Sallis	3	Hatfield
4	Mortimer	4	Thaxted
5	Baldric	5	Cunnings
5	Willem	5	Fletcher
7	Tinnis	7	Metzger
8	Robert	8	Tripoux
9	Ebenezer	9	Apfelbaum
10	Agnes	10	Buckthorn
11	Marcus	11	Quimper
12	Al(len/ice)	12	Porter
13	Glavine	13	Nolin
14	Mathilde	14	Trognon
15	Blondie	15	Lager
16	Bryn	16	Potter
17	Ethel	17	Mason
18	Helge	18	Stout
19	Jo(h)an(nes)	19	Oakley
20	Églantine	20	Duchêne

2d20 Unique Features or Characteristics

(x) Warden feature

(x) Gnarl feature

1	Balding	1	Partially liquified
2	One-handed	2	Gall-ridden
3	Malnourished	3	Shimmering
4	Club-footed	4	Roach infested
5	Emaciated	5	Mossy
6	Beautiful	6	Thorned
7	Constantly humming	7	Blooming
8	Chubby	8	Fruitful
9	Burn-scarred	9	Half-burned
10	Gassy	10	Swollen
11	Fancy cloths	11	Very tall
12	Blank-eyed	12	Screeching
13	Raggedy	13	Fungal (😛)
14	Hunched	14	Sap secreting
15	Parasite Ridden	15	Autumnal
16	Missing teeth	16	Too many teeth
17	Cackling	17	Skeletal
18	Cunning	18	Sloughing
19	Amputee	19	Wasp Nest
20	Noble	20	Knotted

1d10 Scary But True Goat Facts

1	Goats make deals with the devil.
2	The more evil the goat, the longer the horns.
3	All goats are discerning butter connoisseurs 🧈
4	They know your name and where you sleep (yes, all of them).
5	Goat habitats are varied and include mountain steppe, grasslands, and desert. Goats can thrive just about anywhere except Antarctica which is too cold.
6	Goats are actually named after their original inventor. Prototype goats were found in the attic of Tabbitha Flundgunson after her passing by her relatives, and in her honor they used the initialism for Great Old Aunt Tabbitha when releasing them into the wider world.
7	Gavin's mother is a goat. Seriously, have you seen that woman's face?!
8	All goats can speak in the human tongue. They choose not to when folk are listening though.
9	Goats can mimic the screams of their last victims.
10	A goat can devour a small child in a matter of minutes.

1d10: Valpurga's treatment was a success! Uncle Cuthbert is cured! There is only the minor side effect of...

1	priapism
2	a second head who calls himself Daniel grew in Cuthbert's left armpit. Daniel likes to talk, mostly about pig farming.
3	a permanent goat-smell.
4	death
5	Small mouths that randomly appear on various parts of his body and whisper terrible things then vanish and then appear on another area
6	Unexpected, very loud farts with a smell of rotting cabbage.
7	unexpected silent farts smelling of lavenders
8	Memory loss and hallucinations
9	strange mushrooms growing wherever he walked
10	always followed by 7 bats, 7 rats and a goose

What the villagers are doing to calm down the poor raging spirit : 2 d10

1	fervent burning of	1	pinecones oozing resin
2	wearing amulets made of	2	goat hair
3	attempting to scry a solution using	3	goat kid entrails
4	singing songs about	4	Cuthbert’s socks
5	playing a lullaby on	5	St. Berthruda's bones
6	Dancing around	6	a raging bonfire
7	Covering/splashing his grave with	7	moonshine
8	Leaving offerings of	8	sightly mouldy bread
9	Conduct a seance, aided by the imbibing of	9	Eyetoad back-fungus
10	Unearthing his body and giving it a rub down with	10	a goat

2d10 Astronomical Sights seen from within The Weald

(x) Descriptor/Name (x) Thing (explanation if needed)

1	Haunted	1	Goat Constellation
2	Headless	2	Orphan
3	The Quartered	3	Beggar
4	Night's	4	Fury
5	the rotten	5	ferryman
6	The Angry	6	Oak
7	The Shimmering	7	Comet
8	Eye of	8	Okkulpudd
9	Shattered	9	Eyetoad
10	the hairy	10	windmill

2d10 Weald Video Games

#	Game Name	#	Genre/Subtitle
1	The Forest Scrolls IV: Gnarlivion	1	Action RPG
2	Rotwood	2	A grotesque farming sim
3	Gnarl Crossing: New Leaf	3	A slice of life village manager
4	Gloom Eternal	4	A hyperviolent FPS
5	WEALDMAN	5	A Platforming Experience in the Somber Forest
6	Gnarlio Kart Double Dash	6	A kart racing game with a bonus mode where you try and outrun the encroaching gnarl infestation
7	Gnarl Fighter	7	EX+ ª' Turbo Championship Arcade Complete Edition
8	Warden Wars	8	A pixel art turn based strategy game
9	Gnarl Gear Pulpy 4: Guns of the Wardens	9	Tactical Espionage Action
10	GnarlyGnarly Rotathlon	10	Muddy Racer
11	BLOOM	11	1st person shooter
12	Bark	12	Souls
13	Hollar Realms	13	A 4x kingdom builder

2d10 sweets or confections made in the weald.

1	Candied	1	Bitter-root
2	Sugared	2	Swamp Eel
3	Jellied	3	sweetbread
4	Popping	4	Wheat Husks
5	Ginger	5	Goat-hooves
6	Frosted	6	Spawn of Eyetoad
7	Mushy	7	Beetroot
8	Baked	8	Potato
9	Crystalized	9	Pitcher-Plant Nectar (with the fly corpses still in it)
9.5	Honey-roasted	9.5	Nuts

2d20 - Types of sausages found in the Weald

1	Fish	1	Boudin
2	Old	2	Sausage
3	goat	3	wurst
4	Spicy	4	Black Pudding
5	Horse	5	Andouillette
6	Moldy	6	kielbasa
7	Suspicious	7	Chorizo
8	Amphibian	8	Saucisson
9	Special	9	Stuff
10	Rock-Hard	10	Landjaeger
11	Abominable	11	Luganega
12	Luncheon	12	Truncheon
13	Extra large	13	Knack
14	Broken	14	Meatstick
15	The Sacred	15	Meat blob of indeterminate origin
16	Squared	16	Rootpaste with beef grease
17	Long	17	Pig
18	Living	18	Wienerwurst
19	Suspicious	19	Blood pudding
20	Mystery-meat	20	Sausage?

2d30: Popular dishes in the Weald

1	Bread	1	Soup
2	Pigknuckle	2	Pottage
3	Cheese	3	Broth
4	Mystery	4	Surprise
5	Mushroom	5	Pastry
6	Leftover	6	Slop
7	Water	7	…and that's it
8	Meat	8	Pie
9	Eyetoad	9	Stew
10	Goat offal	10	Salad
11	Crawfish/Mudbug	11	Boil
12	Gnarlic	13	Bread
13	Root	13	Fries
13	Pickled	13	Bog-bark
15	Turnip	15	Cake
16	Spider-meat	16	Sausage
17	Beetroot	17	Milkshake
18	leaf	18	tartar
19	Mold	19	Soufflé
20	Fish head	20	Curry
21	Eels	21	Jellied
22	Fingernail	22	Custard
23	Maggot	23	Burger
24	Pig foot	24	in breaded crust
25	Boiled	25	Goose
26	Carrot	26	Ice cream
27	Heidi Mudshire's	27	blood sausage
28	Turkey	28	Roast
29	Endless	29	Buffet
30	[roll on this part of the table thrice more and add the results together]	30	Bowl

2D? Ominous Events in the Weald

x	Adjective	x	Noun
1	The White	1	Hunt
2	The Lamenting	2	Star
3	The Gentle	3	Shriek
4	The Verdant	4	Eclipse
5	The Whispering	5	Child
6	The All-	6	Rot
x	The Battered	x	Sausage
7	The Final	7	Toading
8	The Equinox	8	Rite
9	The	9	Besmirching
10	The Rolling	10	Widow
11	The Moist	11	Goat Ride
12	The False	12	Dawn
13	The Thirteenth	13	Foreshadowing
14	The Grand	14	Fungus-Gardening Competition
15	The First	15	Kiss
16	The Emetic	16	Potluck
17	The Forbidden	17	Feast
18	The Besmirched	18	Turtle
19	The Dark	19	Bonfire
20	The Fungal	20	Rumble

1DX Equipment from The Weald, a hit new souls-like video game

Number	Item	Flavor Text (Optional)
1	Sodden Rags	Stained and stinking. Ripped from the shirt Old Uncle Cuthbert was buried in.
2	Bucket of Slop	It's a bucket with slop. Brown going on grey. It even has some chunks.
3	Hand on a Stick	A mummified human hand attached to a stick. Who made it or whose hand it is has been long forgotten.
4	Gnarled wooden shield	Wrought from the corrupted wood and bark of a gnarl nest. Releases noxious spores and ichor when struck.
5	Broken old sword	Rusted and ancient; its blade snapped leaving only a dagger's length from the hilt. Perhaps forged in mystic fires, or once wielded by a legendary warrior. But probably just a broken old sword.
6	Shiny pebble	So shiny, so smooth. Are those glittering veins streaks of gold? Keep it secret; keep it safe: the others will try to take it from you.
7	Uncle Brugworth’s favourite mushroom	It looks dry and unappealing, but he didn’t part with it willingly and there is a bite taken out of it, so it must have some mysterious value.
8	Raw Rat-meat	Uncooked lumps of rat meat skewered on a spit. Tastes horrible and stringy, but it will keep your hunger at bay. If you're lucky you might not get any parasites, but better to find a fire.
9	A sock	It has a hole so that the big toe sticks out, but it’s still a good sock. Might fetch a good price at the market.
10	Wooden Heart	Was this carved?
11	Ancient goat horn	Covered in indecipherable runes and dried blood from battles long forgotten. If you put your ear to it, you can still hear screams of rage and agony.
12	Hag stone	They say if you peer through the hole worn in this small stone, you can see messages left by travelers from other realms.
13	Idwurt Stump’s Curiosity Journal Vol 3	Battered and leatherbound, most pages torn or the ink upon them faded. Potential source of valuable Weald lore but more immediately useful as outhouse paper.
14	Dented Kettle Helmet	This rusty and dented helmet still has bits of hair, blood, and brains stuck to the inside of it from the last poor soul that thought it would protect them.

2D20 Folk Fall Festivals

Commonly seen walking town/bonfire/parade around the fall in the Weald

1	Straw	Gnarl
2	Large bread	Goat
3	Procession of	Mushroom people
4	Wicker	Stag
5	Drunk	Naked Bearded Man
6	Festive	Fish
7	Corn	Orgy
8	Reed	Bumbershoots
9	Wooden	Masks

Popular wealdy drinks

1	Mushroom	Soda
2	Watered down	Slop
3	Green	Ale
4	Uncle Cuthbert‘s	Moonshine
5	Muddy	Mead
6	Sparkling	Moss Water
7	Spider	Tincture
8	Sap	Brew
9	Restorative	Velouté
10	Goat	Juice
11	Questionable	Liquor
12	Swamp	Stout
13	Compost	Cordial
14	Stallion’s	Milk
15	Stagnant	Fluid
16	I-Hope-It's-Not	Piss
17	Ichorsprig	Smoothie
18	Fish Head	Fizz
19	Fetid	Brew
20	Grubweed	Shake containing 50% [roll on the table again]

2d20 table of Creatures Of The Weald

First roll: Habitat/Description

Second roll: Creature

#	Habitat/Description	#	Creature
(1)	Mud	(1)	Guzzler
(2)	Ditch	(2)	Carp
(3)	Yoncey’s	(3)	Muckraker
(4)	Speckled	(4)	Yowler
(5)	Swamp	(5)	Trout
(6)	Tawny	(6)	Fisher
(7)	Warbling	(7)	Greatmouse
(8)	Tarquin’s Lesser	(8)	Forager
(9)	Pricklebacked	(9)	Swampwallow
(10)	Copperhead	(10)	Asp
(11)	Hopping	(11)	Rot-Gnaw
(12)	Leaf	(12)	Hog
(13)	Mourning	(13)	Lizard
(14)	Eyeless	(14)	Bog-Lurker
(15)	Oaken	(15)	Babirusa
(16)	Night	(16)	Screecher
(17)	Thicket	(17)	Pecker
(18)	Briar	(18)	Wyrm
(19)	waterspring	(19)	mole
(20)	Arboreal	(20)	Simian
(20)	Charles and Diana themed	(20)	Charles and Diana

2D20 table for alcoholic beverages

1	Mudroot	1	Wine
2	Puffball	2	Gin
3	Rotblack	3	Sludge
4	Black-nettle	4	Sherry
6	Blood-beetle	6	Brew
7	Gizzard-blood	7	Moonshine
5	Ichor-wasp	5	Mead
8	Sour-sap	8	Milk
9	Eyetoad grass	9	Liquor
10	Grandma's	10	Cognac
11	Eldergrass	11	Cider
12	Bogmint	12	Aquavit
13	Faebloom	13	Calva
14	Expensive	14	Champagne
15	Foreign	15	Cough syrup
16	Greatmouse	16	Slurry
17	Gnarl	17	Spit
18	Marrowrot	18	Spirit
19	Briar-shroom	19	Beer
20	Worm-wart	20	Squeezin's

2d10 - WEALDMAN Villains

1	The Masked	1	Ploughman
2	Poison	2	Ivy
3	Rot	3	Monger
4	Screeching	4	Besmircher
5	Green	5	Goblin (last one I promise)
6	Fungal	6	Fiend
7	Giant	7	Goat
8	The Slaughtering	8	Shepherd
9	Lewd	9	Fae
10	Mildly annoying	10	Chirurgeon

1d10 Weird, Utterly Inaccurate Things Some Weald Residents Believe

1	Canine creatures are unable to look skywards.
2	The giant reptiles that inhabit the deep Hollar have feathers.
3	Left handed women give birth to Eyetoads.
4	Old man Flundgunson is a pathological liar.
5	Witches can only walk in left-turning circles.
6	Indolents are a vessel for the Rot.
7	The folk in the next village over are egg layers. Gilfin swears he found a baby in his omelette when he last travelled there.
8	Eating carrots makes you see in the dark. (The ones who know better usually go missing in the forest at night before they can tell the others.)
9	Some folks believe goats to be trustworthy and pure. They are contemptible fools.
10	Sometime mossy stones will grow legs and walk away if they get tired of sitting in the same spot. This is where turtles come from.
11	Some folks believe that goats are a menace and a plague on civilisation. They will be shown the error of their ways.
12	Goats can't read your mind.
13	The All-Goat isn't real and can't hurt you.

1d10 People think that strange lady living alone in the woods is a witch, because...

1	She rejected my advances!
2	I once saw a centipede the size of a snake scuttling out her house. I went too early. I've got a killer #10, hopefully someone else will do it.
3	She turned my cousin into an eyetoad!
4	The smoke from her chimney was green!
5	Her goats obey her without arguing!
6	Old Man Flundgunson said she turned herself into a butterfly and stole from his butter.
7	She's able to count higher than her fingers and toes.
8	She's heavier than a duck.
9	Strange formations grow on her house in the woods, they look like.... Sweets?!
10	Her hut walks around on great batrachian legs 🏚🐸
10	Black Phillip told me so.

1d10 Uncle Cuthbert's funeral was rudely interrupted by...

1	his unexpected reanimation.
2	a murder of crows invading the venue
3	His creepy son's failed attempt at babysitting
4	By the (mostly) unfortunate deaths of many attendees due to the noxious miasma that emitted from his coffin during the service.
5	a choir of toads and newts singing bawdy sea shanties
6	ALL the corpses in the cemetery rising (optionally doing the Thriller)
7	Old man Flundgunson, drunk again, fell into the open grave.
8	Wealdman destroying a pack of hulks
9	The GIANT GOAT!
10	his ghost leaving his body very loudly.

When the rot started encroaching on the village,

it was Cuthbert’s widow who led the defense. She managed to hold off the first of the wandering gnarl by…

2d10

(x) action

(x) subject

1	spreading	1	rumours
2	burning	2	the outhouse
3	Diverting	3	the stream
4	eating	4	the cream
5	Exhuming	5	Cuthbert
6	Rallying	6	the townsfolk
7	hiding	7	the underwear
8	unleashing	8	the goats
9	Besmirching	9	them
10	crushing	10	the rotten Silver Leaves

A strange festival

In 1d10(place) the locals celebrate

1d10 (occasion) by

1d10(festive activity)

1	in Greensprings	the birth of a child is celebrated by	putting luminions to float on the river stream
2	in Fairmount Forest	the anniversary of solving a murder case is celebrated by	giving all children a special bread baked for the occasion
3	on Dobbs Lake	the locals celebrate	the end of the 5-year drought with a paddle boat race
4	In the petrified groves	the locals celebrate	the night of the cracked-egg moon with fried dough pastries and scary stories
5	In the Saint Clarice of Thorns hermitage	the locals celebrate	the solstices by dressing up as black goats
6	In Summerisle	the locals celebrate	the spring equinox by burning a quality English character actor alive in huge wickerman
7	In the ravaged creek	the locals celebrate	their fallen people by making clay figurines
8	In Saint Quentin of the Mire	the locals celebrate	the birth of the moon by cooking some stewed rhubarb
9	In Blauheim	the locals celebrate	the return of Bloom by holding a blood sausage festival
10	In the goat pen	the goats celebrate	the sabbath with a taste of butter

2d10 Medicinal Plants of the Weald

#	Plant Name	#	Use
1	Ash Leek	1	Helps with digestion (but gives gases)
2	Giantswort	2	Brewed as a tea to treat erectile dysfunction
3	Slumberberry	3	Pressed into his drink, helps quiet down old man Flundgunson when he drank too much and won’t shut up
4	Powdered Amanita Cap	4	Helps with indigestion, gas, stomach ache, etc.
5	Sourbark	5	Treats headaches, but too much is poisonous
6	Purple Tsumbas	6	Applied in balm, helps the flesh recover from burns. The seeds can be infused in warm water to make people go blind for a few hours.
7	Râba Nero	7	A strange red pod known for its fiery taste, is supposed to make people better lovers. Can be eaten raw, cooked, or in powder.
8	Goat Radish	8	Benefits are unclear, but goats love it
9	Powder Leaf	9	Has a subtly sweet flavor and mild numbing effect when chewed. Highly addictive.
10	Foggy Blooms	10	Helps with melancholia. Causes blood clots if you take more than five a day.

2d10 random tables

1	Raw-lumber	1	Trestle table
2	Chestnut	2	Coffee table
3	Beech	3	Overturned pig trough
4	Recycled	4	Footbridge
5	Unused	5	Reading desk
6	Dust caked	6	High table
7	Smelly	7	Toilet Seat
8	Just an old	8	Barrel
9	Mouldering	9	Treestump
10	Gnarl Corpse	10	Picnic Table

2d10 Pubs and Inns of The Weald

1	The Blighted	1	Bough
2	the bloated	2	ox
3	The Vexxing	3	Goat
4	The red	4	hen
5	The hanged	5	Man
6	The Big Black	6	Hawk
7	The Fox and	7	Stag
8	The Teasing	8	Maid
9	The	9	Inn
10	the dry	10	throat

Random steps to becoming a folk hero of The Weald.

1	Acquire sword
2	Pack lunch
3	Fuck Sheep
4	Apply woad warpaint
5	Wear anything with antlers
6	Wear nothing but antlers
7	Challenge Old Man Flungundson to an arm wrestle 💪
8	Run into the woods yelling a war cry, and hope for the best
9	Poaching
10	Just make up a tall tale — gets you more or less the same fame as the real thing but with a lower risk of being eaten by something
11	Collect skulls, horns and other bone based detritus. Decorate oneself.
12	Have "the dream"
13	Grow mushrooms out of every orifice & become a chimeric horror by merging with other mammals in various states of decomposition (...at least then you'll be a hero ...to the Gnarl)
14	Lick an eyetoad back
15	Fill out forms 14-C and 17-A and send them to the mayor's office in order to apply for the official position of Hero of the Township of Brinkmoor (your main jobs will include keeping the main street free of garbage, as well as walking the mayor's dog)
16	Wear boots
17	Spend a decade on the Wheel of Pain
18	Hang around with a bard until they write a song about you
19	Did NOT try to have an intimate relationship with a goat

2d20 Town Monuments

A (d20 material) of (d20 noun)

1	Stone Statue	1	Uncle Cuthbert
2	Packed mud and manure statue of	2	Old Man Flundgunson
3	Straw effigy of	3	WEALDMAN :Wealdman:
4	Wood carved monument of	4	A prancing bear
5	skulls	5	pile of skulls
6	shin height marble memorial bench of	6	those who had to get up in the night to urinate
7	Unknown metal plate	7	covered in undecipherable symbols
8	Old scarecrow wearing the clothes of	8	The local folk hero, recently deceased
9	sculpted bloody intestines of	9	the sacrificed footmen
10	Mural on the tavern wall, depicting	10	The town's patron deity
11	Branch and antler shrine to	11	the Black Goat of the woods
12	the chapel of	12	the Spirit of eyetoad
13	A clay statue containing the mummified body of	13	The pope of the Church of Rot
14	A giant sinkhole that swallowed up	14	The widow Cuthbert and all her goats
15	Straw	15	Witch

2D? Named Characters of the Weald

x	Name	x	Epithet
1	Thomas	1	the Toad Wrangler
2	Randy	2	The Randy Dandy
3	Phillip	3	the Self-Sacrifice
4	Blixa	4	Pubmoney
5	Rhododendrius	5	the Irrelevant
6	Groatus	6	the Goatus
7	Ecknard	7	the Short-Lived
8	Blarry	8	Spit-Drinker
9	Martin	9	the Dreadful
10	Sir Harrold	10	Goat-Rider
11	Unfortunate	11	Eunice
12	Gelos	12	Laughter-Loving
13	Lord Brickton	13	Toadeater
14	Greg	14	The Fingers
15	Captain	15	Lichen-Beard
16	Bertrand	16	the Besmirched
17	Dendrick	17	To Random to Live
18	Olga	18	the Flatulent
19	Peter	19	Pot-Hat
20	Norrhed	20	who Vomited on the Priest's Lap During the Winter Solstice Rites Last Year

2DX Farms of the Weald

(Inspired by a book of farms I found at the library)

x) Farm Name

x) What they raise/grow/cultivate

1	Hungry Hollow	1	Bones
2	Crumpaker	2	Grains
3	Mydwind Glade	3	Crypt Corn
4	MurkMire	4	Slop (organic)
5	GlumHut	5	Perculiar Mushrooms
6	Turnip’s Ash	6	Terrible Turnips
7	Silver Court	7	Barrow Wheat
8	Crumblestone	8	Mostly just dirt and weeds.
9	Gullivan's Lump	9	Tiny Goats
10	Damp Acres	10	Inland Caviar
11	Oddfield Heath	11	Paranoia
12	Rockhill	12	Salt
13	Mallow Marsh	13	Grubs
14	Warwick	14	Horses
15	Grondles Hill's	15	Hills
16	Boglard's	16	Boggarts
17	Sickly Bernice's	17	Spring Water
18	Bean's	18	Beans
19	Goldsworthy	19	Chickens and eggs
20	Cuthbert Family	20	Honey & Apples
21	Hoeve Vanderstukke	21	Brussel Sprouts
22	O' Malley	22	Giant Cabbage
23	O' Calley	23	Dwarf Cabbage
24	Green Raven Orchard	24	Hanging Moss & Acorns
25	Hangman's Grove	25	Meat-fruit
26	The Hidden Farmstead	26	Invisible goats
27	Burzee	27	Bells and Toys
28	George Rottentooth's stables	28	Kids

Young Gilda Camenberth

The young Gilda Camenberth is fond of delicate fragrance from the fields and meadows, and she also loves creating ointments to make her skin soft and flawless. Even though she spends a bit too much time dressing her hair and besmirching the other young ladies of the weald, girls ( but not only) from all around buys her pots of cosmetics

(3 D20)

1	star jelly	for the	wrinkles
2	leech blood	salve for the	hands
3	BlacheCap mushroom	dye, for the	teeth
4	rotten fungal powder	for the	butt
5	hemlock balm	for the	lips
6	lichen slime	which eats	warts
7	Eyetoad Spawn	for the	hair
8	Barrow-ash Poultice	for	blemishes
9	brackish birch sap	for the	throat
10	Bloated Leeches	for	Genital warts
11	Boiled Goat extract	for	nails
12	Burnt frog bones	for the	eyelashes
13	Rotpine bark tincture	to grow additional	eyes
14	Spriggan dust	to promote	beard growth
15	boiled down slug slime	for your	branch
16	Bat wings cataplasm	to keep	firm boobs
17	Grey Bogfinger Husks	to aid	restorative sleep
18	Beetle Shell Serum	to bronze the	skin
19	Sheep urine tonic	to freshen the	breath
20	Wolf musk	to enhance the	scent

2d20 things Old Man Flundgunson swears he saw out in the fog yesterday.

1st [descriptor/verb],

2nd [subject]

Roll	Description	Roll	Creature
1	Many-eyed	1	Shadow
2	Creeping	2	Animate-Scarecrow
3	Man-Shaped	3	Hole
4	Hole-shaped	4	Man
5	Some goshdarn	5	Bollocks
6	Walking	6	Tree
7	Man dressed as	7	Giant Rabbit
8	Human faced	8	Animal
9	Singing	9	Poachers
10	Skeletal	10	Piper
11	Shady	11	Witch
12	Bipedal	12	Goat
13	A man painting a	13	Lady
14	Old crone eating	14	A Baby
15	Black goat abducting	15	Children
16	A talking	16	Dog
17	A giant	17	Giant
18	A lusty	18	Rotting Cadaver
19	A lost and Confused	19	Hedge Knight
20	Rotting	20	Fae

d20 Weald Tarrot major acrana?

1	The Rot
2	The Stag
3	The Farm
4	The Heron
5	The Eyetoad
6	Death
7	The Roots
8	The Besmircher
9	The Lost Child
10	The Lady of the Green
11	The Thorns
12	The Lake
13	The Fallen Tree
14	The Candle
15	The Fae
16	The Flame
17	The Mill
?	The Quimper
18	The Wood-Cutter
19	The Beggar
20	Essence
!	The Miscreant
22	The Confuser
?	The Trickster

1d10 weald themed Mountain Dew tie-in flavours?

1	Extreme Ichor
2	Fungus Funk
3	Bioluminescent Blackberry
4	Brute Punch
5	Thick sick seeds
6	Monstrous Mildew (With no added honeycomb)
7	Gnarly Grape 🍇
8	Gushing Gall
9	Mighty Morel
10	Swampwater Blast

2d20 Weald landmarks

Traveler’s almanac edition.

1	Abandoned	1	Mill
2	Infested	2	Mine
3	Toppled	3	Trees
4	Petrified	4	Greatwood
5	Haunted	5	Hill
6	Gosh-darned	6	House
7	Deep	7	Lake
8	Corrupted	8	Orchard
9	Whistling	9	Ravine
10	Cute	10	Ponds
11	Verdant	11	Moor
12	McGruff's	12	Bog
13	Dilapidated	13	Outpost
14	Monolithic	14	Menhirs
15	Well-maintained	15	Graveyard
16	Putrid	16	Tavern
17	Misty	17	Crossroads
18	Humid	18	Outhouse
19	Forgotten	19	Gallows
20	Ancient	20	Greatbeam

1d10: Uncle Cuthbert is really sick. He has a bad case of…

1	The Rising of the Lights
2	St. Vitus Dance
3	Lungbeak (I'm sorry)
4	toadboils
5	Schadenfreude
6	the goat piss
7	Roteye
8	the heebie-jeebies
9	crotch worms
10	Visions of the chicken realm

1d10: To cure Uncle Cuthbert, the wise woman Valpurga recommends...

1	The urine of a he-goat, two drops in each eye, every morning
2	Licking the back of a juvenile Miregrub, under an ascending moon.
3	the liver of a conjoined twin
4	a virgin's urine, given under a full moon, to be rubbed onto the affected area each morning at the crow of the cock for twelve days.
5	to spit cherry pits on kids
6	a weekly leeching
7	the eye of an eye Toad
8	A diet heavy in dry but spicy foods, to counteract the overabundance of phlegmatic humours.
9	a dark ale with a raw egg poured inside
10	whacking him with a willow branch until he gets better.

2d10 Unable to find peace, Uncle Cuthbert's ghost haunts the village by...

1	moving random undergarments	1	one house over.
2	at night, opening	2	the pigsty
3	moaning loudly outside	3	the bedroom window
4	a ghostly apparition appears next to	4	the market square
5	squirting ectoplasm all over	5	his grave
6	spitting cherry pits	6	to the kids
7	lowering the temperature in	7	the pub
8	Blood curdling screams late at night, in	8	The outhouse
10	Complaining about	10	his dry throat

Wandering Stranger: A (1d10) from (1d10)

A	1	Veteran	from Mons-en-Malheur
A	2	flagellant	from next year
A	3	wooden prosthetic artisan	from sainte-Berthrude-Les-Deux-Rivières
A	4	twitchy orphan	from a swampy stilt-village
A	5	black dog	from the wrong side of the wagon ruts
A	6	Whistler with a too-wide smile	from the old crossroads
A	7	mysterious goat	from deep in the woods
A	8	thing	from the swamp
A	9	tinker	from the foothills
A	10	tax collector	from the capital

4d10 A fairytale from the Weald

There was an (x) adjective (x) person who wandered around and (x) did something. Then (x) something happened to them.

The fairy tale starts with “There was a …”

Number	Descriptor	Subject	Action	Outcome
1	Poor	Girl	Who wandered around and gave away all her possessions to the needy until she had nothing.	Gold coins fell from the sky into her lap.
2	Influential	Lady	Whose village got hit by the Rot and tried to keep it at bay by treating the sick with the rot itself.	Her skin started covering with fungi until she was barely human looking, but she and the villagers kept their sanity and humanity.
3	Mysterious	Piper	Who wandered around and played music for children.	He was eaten by feral goats.
4	Strange markings covered	Rock	Near some village and was used for rituals on seasonal festivals.	Someone broke it and brought down a curse.
5	Blind	Priest	Who wandered around and drank water from a cursed fountain.	The Walking Lady followed him everywhere.
6	Lone	Woodman	Who was persecuted by some villagers and thrown alive in a swamp.	It came back changed and with a vengeance.
7	Ghastly	Undertaker	Who wandered around and dug graves.	They fell into an open grave and rose again with the Rot.
8	Lone	Goat	Who wandered around and was abused by a farmer.	It started the goat uprising.
9	Shambling	Drunkard	Who stumbled around and vomited on the blacksmith.	They would forever have metallic objects in disrepair.
10	Ambitious	Member of the town council	Wandering around his town at night and ripped the hearts of 5 young girls.	He got re-elected for his strong position on street security.

2d10 - Weald Branded Bubble Bath fragrances after the game sells out.

1	Old	1	Buckthorn
2	Fresh	2	Fungus
3	coarse	3	cobblestone
3	Peat	3	Perfection
5	Burnt	5	Bark
6	Brown	6	Buttmud
8	extremely bitter	8	bone marrow
9	Flundgunson's patented, secret	9	Surprise
10	Gnarl	10	by Cuthbert

2dwhatever Wealdish Folk Songs

1	The Goatherd's	1	Lament
2	Broken-Branch	2	Jig
3	Ballad of	3	Bom Tombadil
4	Gravekeepers	4	Requiem
5	Fishmonger's	5	Bourrée
6	Muddy	6	Dirge
7	The Bastard's	7	Waltz
8	The Unnecessarily Long	8	Song
9	The Trouserless	9	Reel
10	Brambleberry	10	Tune
11	Root	11	Rhyme
12	Satan gave me a	12	Tac

Respectable career choices in the Weald

1	cabbage	1	merchant
2	Master	2	Shrubber
3	Goat	3	Wrangler
4	Toad	4	Spotter
5	Fungus	5	Farmer
6	Mushroom	6	Brusher
7	Retired	7	Gardener
8	Boat	8	Maker
9	Apprentice	9	Poacher
10	Makeshift	10	Smith
11	Gnarl	11	Researcher
12	Dung	12	Taster
13	GIANT GOAT	13	Befriender
14	Honest	14	Pimp
15	Lichen	15	Cultivator
16	hog	16	boss
17	turtle	17	herder
18	moonshine	18	brewer
19	leaves	19	counter
20	Content ™️	20	Creator
21	Fish	21	Monger
22	Stick	22	Counter
23	knot	23	expert
24	tree	24	butcher
25	Root	25	Connoisseur
26	Pickle	26	Vendor
27	Candlestick	27	Maker
28	Rot	28	Inspector
29	Dice	29	Roller
30	Mice	30	Troller
31	Rat	31	Collector
32	Arbiter of	32	the Goat Standard

2Dwhatever Mushrooms of the Weald

X	Descriptor	X	Type
1	Parasitic	1	Puffball
2	Red	2	Stinkflange
3	Eyestalk	3	Champignon
4	Golden	4	Stankcap
5	Balbutient	5	Bolete
6	Scruffy	6	Death Cap
7	Wandering	7	Toadstool
8	Spotted	8	Clubhead
9	Leathery	9	Bracket
10	Goat-bleat	10	Trumpet
11	Carnivorous	11	Morel
12	Weeping	12	Devilpipe
13	Black	13	Shroom
14	Delicious	14	Morsel
15	Whispering	15	Mold
16	Jabbering	16	Stinghorn
17	Saint Petunia's	17	Fingers
18	Eye Toad's	18	Steppe
19	Bleeding	19	Goatwort
20	Humongous	20	Fungus
21	Pustule	21	Inky Cap
22	Oozing	22	Flies Trap

2Dx kit-bashable things from the depths of the Weald

(Figured a list of optional holiday bash-and-swap prompts could be fun)

x	Descriptor	x	Subject
1	Corpulent	1	Turtle
2	Stubborn	2	Goat
3	Curmudgeonly	3	Tree
4	Mossy	4	Crab
5	Infected	5	Skeleton
6	Moulding	6	Deer
7	Chitinous	7	Serpent
8	Weird	8	Shroom
9	Moist	9	Muskrat
10	Beheaded	10	Hedge Witch
11	Violent	11	Beetle
12	Overgrown	12	Cat
13	Contemplative	13	Sage
14	Sacrificed	14	Limbs
15	"Normal"	15	Person
16	Eldritch	16	Hermit
17	Half-Rotted	17	Hunter
18	Many-Legged	18	Trout
19	Mangy	19	Weasel
20	Besmirched	20	Giant-Grub
21	Very	21	Shrub
22	Mutated	22	[Roll twice to combine results]
23	Dead	23	Centipede
24	Anything-But	24	Horse
25	[Roll on different table]	25	[Roll on different table]
26	[Find most recently read book, roll for page]	26	Plumb
27	Mounted	27	Cockroach
28	Looming	28	Rodent
29	Broken	29	Root-Golem
30	Final	30	Resting Place

2dx Side Effects to Medicinal Plants

X	Effect	Body part
1	Swelling	of the nose
2	Oozing	of the skin (all of it)
3	Blistering	of the toes
4	Moistening	of the humours
5	Engorging	of the ears
6	Bloodquake	of the lungs
7	Shrinking	of the genitals
8	Mutation	of the internal organs
9	Inflammation	of the face
10	Necrosis	of the flesh
11	Blistering	of the eyes
12	Total failure	of the entire body
13	Loosening	of the bowels
14	Gelatification	of the bones
15	Explosion	of the brain
16	Wetting	of the butt
17	Gnarlish corruption	of the fingers
18	Curling	of the teeth
19	Fungal infestation	of the immortal soul
20	Calcification	of the hair
21	Lignification	of the eyes
22	Hypertrophy	of genitals
23	Profuse bleeding	[roll thrice more on this part of the table, it affects all of those things]

2Dx Popular Fast and Takeaway Foods in the Weald

X	Preparation	Food
1	Fried	Eel on a stick
2	Simmered	Prime Slop
3	Questionable	Jerky
4	Salted	Goatnads
5	Brian's	Broth
6	Buttered	Oatmeal
7	Baked	Toad Nuggets
8	Raw	Mushroom
9	Jellied	Bonemeal
10	Stirred	Stag innards
11	Boiled	Frog spawn
12	Cup of	Fennel soup
13	Smoked	Bogfish
14	Frozen	Pond Scum
15	Mystery Meat	Pies
16	Roasted	Roaches
17	Mildewed	Birch saplings
18	Cream	Tarts
19	Air-dried	Gizzards
20	Pickled	Toads (whole)
21	Tiny	Morsels

Hey ! Get away from my sight you

In the weald there’s a lot of slang words to describe the cowards riding a horse into battle, here are some of them

1	Poney	Milker
2	Trotter	Dobber
3	Jade/Mare	Flayer
3	Slop	Breeches
4	Whip	Licker
5	Hoof	Huffer
6	Donkey	Poker
7	Tail	Spreader
8	Cruddy	Dribbler
9	Shrubish	Picker
10	Saddle	Botherer
11	Nag	Jockey
12	Four-Foot	Dandy
13	Whinnying	Wanker
14	Hay-huffer	Doofus
15	Snotty	Brayer
16	Stableyard	Dingus
17	Extra entry	So Julian has to redo it